This happened way back. Rewind to the year 2000, when I was just an itsy-bitsy Seventh grader at Loyola School, Trivandrum. *Ah, those were the days*.  It happened on the eve of a weekly test – unlike periodic mid-term exams where all the exams happened together in a very short time span, our school had a system where there’d be an exam every Monday and Friday. If you ask me, that was a foolproof system which would inculcate the benefits of perseverance and systematic behaviour amongst students. The very few strains of systematic behaviour within me could be attributed to those forlorn weekly tests. Before I get swayed by pangs of nostalgia, lemme narrate my story!

It was a history exam that Friday. I’d learnt most of the portions and I just had to revise/re-read a few chapters, so that I could write better essays. Since I was abreast with most of the portions, I decided to lay idly on my bed, even after waking up at 6 am in the morning. Dreamer that I am, I was in a state of blissful idyll,  probably dreaming about completing level 5 of Roadrash, after buying the venerable Diablo superbike!! Well, as I was immersed in a wide plethora of dreams, I felt something fall into my right earlobe. I didn’t give a second thought to it, and sleepily poked my right ear with my hand, trying to scratch off the recesses of the ear. Thanks to my sleepy countenance, I actually pushed the object deeper into my ear. Within a few moments I opened my eyes wide and shouted in deep pain. My right ear was buzzing like crazy.

The object that had fallen onto my ear was actually a tiny bee and I’d pushed it deep into my ear!

CC Credits: _Pauls_

At the outset, it might seem hard to believe, but those of who have seen me in real life would know better- my ears are enormous. To this date, people tease me, calling me elephant-eared – some say that intelligence is directly proportional to the size of your ear, citing ace chess player Vishwanathan Anand as a case in point. Not in my case, anyway, I’m the guy who actually pushed a living breathing bee onto my right ear!! Mom and Dad rushed into the bedroom listening to my wails of agony!! I kept shouting on the top of my voice:

“എന്റെ ചെവിയില് വണ്ട് കേറിയേ!!” (A bee got into my ear!! Help mee!!!)

First, my parents thought that I might actually be scared from a nightmare and tried to console me, saying there’s nothing to worry. But seeing my repeated wails of misery as I jumped around the whole house, clutching my right ear-lobe in ear-splitting (<–pun) pain, they knew better. Dad brought a pitcher of water and  poured into into my ear. The bee, which was frightened by the reddish-black hole it had fallen into, was maniacally biting and hitting the walls of my tympanum, trying to rescue itself – a few drops of water scared it even more and it struggled, flailing its arms and legs even more vigorously! Dad peeped into my ear, and he could actually listen to the buzzing sound of the bee!!

In a couple of minutes’ time, parents got ready and we rushed to the medical college hospital in our car. All the while, I was madly crying out in pain – dad got incensed, midway, thinking that I was over-reacting to the situation. By God, I wasn’t. His abuses only doubled my trauma!! Finally, I was rushed into the casuality of the E&T department, and a slew of doctors surrounded me from all sides. By now, I was badly trying to control myself – elaborating the situation amid sobs, to doctors, stifling my pain. I clearly remember this lady surgeon there – her face was a mess, literally (Dad still makes fun of her!! ). Well, she consoled me and I was ushered into a push-back seat, lying sideways – right ear facing upwards. The doctors started off in no time.

Interestingly, I was surrounded by lady doctors only! Apart from the chief surgeon lady, all others were very very good looking. There was this lady in a red salwar – her face is still vividly etched in my mind. She held my hands together and consoled me in a very sisterly way. I liked that! Meanwhile, the chief surgeon inserted a screw-driver-ish contraption into my ear. A bang of pain. EEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!! I cried out at the top of my voice – which was pretty much shrill back then, I might’ve rocked the entire medical college junction with that… lol! The red salwar doc placed her hands over my mouth and caressed my face while picking up a few other instruments. My mind was in chaos – and I heard the word ‘surgery’ being mentioned somewhere. I was scared shitless and  my parents’ reassuring faces was my only saving grace. I would miss my history exam, I lamented. I’d prepared so well…

Meanwhile, the doctor removed that contraption and poured some fluid onto my ear. For a few moments, I was in utter bliss – the pain subsided and I guess the insect was killed instantly! Soon after which, the doc. inserted another contraption which, after a few gasps of pain from my part,  came out with a dead bee stuck at its incisor-like end. Finally!

It took an hour more to clean my ear – the poor bee had lost a couple of its appendages inside my ear which remained pierced in my ear-walls. All the people assembled there were dumbstruck at how a bee entered my ear and were mentioning how lucky I was! They were almost sure that I’d need a surgery and that I’d actually lost hearing ability to my right ear – the insect had gone deep inside, millimetres away from my tympanum!! Thankfully, I came out unscathed.

I was discharged from the hospital at 8:45 AM, with a long prescription of medicines which I had to ingest for a month or so, in order to prevent any further infection. I had a lot of minor wounds in my right ear and they needed some strong medicines for quick healing. Anyways, I reached home, dressed in a jiffy and made it to school in time for the history exam at 9:30. The exam went well and I secured a neat 82! Dad and mom were happy!

Ever since, I make it a point to sleep with ears covered – even today!

P.S.

I was reminded of this incident when i saw the Mohanlal movie ഭ്രമരം | ‘Bhramaram’ which has the star scratching his right ear, falsely assuming that a (poorly computer animated) bee has gone into his ear!

Time: 7:45 AM, 22nd December, 2008
Coordinates: Mens Hostel, MES Kuttippuram
Occasion: Jashn ’09 – IEEE Kerala Silver Jubilee Celebrations, Valedictory Function.

I was among the 120-odd delegates attending the event, the sole representative of the IEEE Student Branch of my college. While other colleges had huge delegations to the tune of thirty plus students, my Fellow IEEEians  simply refused to attend the event for fear of  impending end-semester exams. My Branch Counsellor literally forced me at gunpoint to attend the event for sake of the college’s prestige.  I had to wage a huge fight with my parents to get permission to attend the event, at the end of which I boarded the Mangalore Express with buddies from MBCET and reached Kuttippuram the very next day, at about 4 AM. The MESians surprised us with their hospitality and kindly accomodated us at their wonderful (not sarcastic, seriously nice) Mens Hostel.

We were told that the programs would start early that day, and thus we had to be up and about by at least 8:30 AM. Haggard due to lack of sleep (due to some long winding ‘nightly conversations’ ), I had flopped onto my bed no sooner had I reached our room. I opened my eyes when my friend Arun from Mar Baselios shook me up to my senses. Everyone had gotten ready and I was among the few who were yet to bathe and dress up. Cursing, I grabbed random clothes from my bag and walked lazily to the toilet/bathroom area at one end of the hostel – we were housed on the third floor of the four storeyed hostel. Half asleep, I tried to open at least half a dozen (occupied) bathrooms only to mutter apologies at cuss words from the respective occupants.

To my delight, I finally got an empty bathroom and barged inside. I placed my clothes and watch by the windowsill and took a bath. It was refreshing – the water was ice cold, but I actually enjoyed it. I shook off my tired countenance and recharged myself. Basking in the glory of the new-found energy, I pulled out my towel that lay beneath my clothes, without looking at the windowsill where it was housed. That was when I heard a strange ‘chink’ sound. Something had fallen down, apparently. It was glistening and silvery-white, I could actually see it fall, through a corner of my eye. Dismissing it for an instant, I resumed… until I got back to my senses in shock!

Frantically, I checked the windowsill, beside my clothes, for my watch. It was missing!

It was my watch that went straight into the Indian Closet!!!

Cursing like a madman, I did everything I could to salvage it – to no avail. My watch was already on its way to the septic tank deep down. The only hope of rescuing it was upon some future-archaeologist who’d examine the remains of my precious Titan ‘Chronograph’, rotten amid human excreta, with avid interest! Flush red with embarrassment, anger and dismay, I kept the incident under the closet (<– pun!). After all, the watch was over five years old, and septic tank, it seems, was written in its destiny!

P.S.

The very next day, I heard an announcement at the main stage about a lost-and-found watch at the college premises. I was like ! These people actually fished the septic tank for my watch without even my mentioning the incident! Joyous, I ran to the announcers desk, all agog with hope!

Shalima, the purdah-clad girl at the announcer’s desk smiled at my flared-nostril expression.

“I don’t think this watch is yours!”

She held a tiny watch in her right hand and flashed it before me. It was more a bangle than a watch, all gold-plated, with a tiny time-dial. An expensive ladies’ watch.

Muttering some choicest expletives under my breath, I thanked Shalima and left.

P.P.S.

“Son, where is your old titan watch?”

Mom’s irritated voice woke me up one fine Sunday morning.

Uh oh. Amma… I haven’t seen it in a while. Don’t know where it is!
Mom: It must be that scrawny bitch of our servant! She’s been stealing my money for long… now she’s also taken your watch! One day, I’ll catch her red-handed, and then….

I didn’t hear the rest of what mom said, for, I’d closed my eyes again with a smile on my face.:D

I now have a flashy Bosch watch, thanks to my uncle who’s a dealer of Bosch.