This article is a Guest Post by Martin Newman.

I don’t know how many of you still watch the British Sci-Fi show Doctor Who, but this past week introduced probably some of the creepiest monsters in the shows history.  By creepy, I don’t mean salt shakers that only 6 year-olds find creepy, but creepy as in keep the light on at night creepy.

Think about the following.  You enter a dark room and instantly get the feeling that something is not right.  Suddenly you think you see something out of the corner of your eye.  You turn to look and are see a hideous monster unlike anything you have ever seen.  You turn to run and, wait a minute, what were we doing?  This room looks creepy.  Something doesn’t feel right.

You probably just asked, what happened to the monster?  That’s the point of the new monsters in Doctor Who known as the Silence.  Once you look away from them, you instantly forget that they are there.  It is the perfect type of disguise.  They can hide in plain sight due to this fact.  In fact, according to the storyline, they have been here for centuries, and nobody knows why.  They have influenced everything including the moon landing.

The way that the producers setup many shots were also creepy.  Mix one part horror movie with one part sci-fi.  A lot of shots inside a creepy house with no lights and vague messages on the wall to GET OUT.  Then all of a sudden, strange markings start appearing on the companions of the Doctor, which makes it even more creepy.

To find out more about the show, you need to watch the Doctor Who episodes “The Impossible Astronaut” and the “Day of the Moon.”  All I have to say is that Doctor Who has gotten a bit more sophisticated than when I was a young boy.  In the past, you could almost make an online gambling wager that the music was probably the creepiest part about the monster of the week for many episodes.  The current incarnation of the show seems to have picked up the writing and storytelling to make it a must see for not just kids who like the show, but those of us who may have grown up watching the adventures of the Doctor in the Tardis.

Related posts:

1. Silence is Golden!

Silence - It’s one of the world’s best virtues.

Being silent is an art in itself, and I happen to be a master of that art. I’m basically a silent person. I’ve never mastered the art of being loquacious.  I just can’t go on to talk for hours on end. Whenever I talk, I convey my points as briefly as possible and end with a majestic full-stop. That doesn’t mean that I’m proud of being silent. I would ideally love to talk for hours on end. In fact, there was a point in  time, when I used to talk more than what I do now. But then, something happened… something snapped within me, and I lost the ability to talk.

It happened one fine morning. One day, I wake up and I realize that I’ve lost the ability to talk! It’s not like, I went mute or anything. I could technically talk. Voice would come out of my mouth, I could utter syllables, alright. But my communication was just essential. I suddenly became brief in my conversations. My conversations were short (and not necessarily sweet).  That was when I noticed that silence was a part and parcel of me. I’m inherently a listener. NOT a talker. I could listen to people talk for hours on end, but if you ask me to talk for a couple of hours, I’d go mute. I just can’t do it!

I’m not exactly proud of being silent. In fact, I detest it. I envy everyone who talks a lot. Which means, I envy most girls. They just manage to dig out topics out of the blue and go on to talk, talk and talk. Whew. I would LOVE to do the same. Sigh!

Next comes the issue of what to talk. That’s where I’m stumped again. I’m not exactly full-of-beans. If you thought I was a walking-talking Encyclopedia Britannica, you couldn’t be more wrong! They say, “Known’s a drop. Unknown’s an ocean”. For me, ‘unknown’ makes up Pacific Ocean and Atlantic Ocean combined. I often feel a bit deprived because of my lack of knowledge. Can’t say that I’m not doing anything about it. I’m reading my way to glory. Hoping that content will solve my quagmire of not being able to speak up when I want to.

Despite not being able to talk volumes about what I like, a part of me loves being silent. I prefer listening to people talk, rather than the act of talking. Listening is good. Everyone talks, few listen. I’m quite a good listener; I listen to friends’ problems for a living. When you listen to people, it makes them feel happy. They feel important, because there’s someone to listen to what they  have to say. In fact, there’s a friend of mine who’s exactly the same.

I guess I’ll find it a tad too hard to break my mould of being silent. But in a way, it’s made me a good listener.

Let’s see where silent listening takes me to…

Related posts:

1. [Guest Post] Nothing is creepier than silence – Even on Dr. Who
2. 10 shortcuts to instant-happiness
3. Life blog

“Khaike paan banaras waala,

Khul jaaye band akal ka taala…”

As Amitabh Bachchan’s booming voice, sung (a slightly-tweaked version of) his own popular track, gyrating with thirty-odd beauties, millions of eyeballs applauded. The song-dance sequence by Amitabh officially kicked off the much-awaited fourth edition of Kaun Banega Crorepati.

The studio was a far-cry from the previous studios of the show. Huge pillars added a gothic touch to it – even though the arrangement of the studio remained the same. The new logo of KBC – featuring the new ‘rupee’ sign was emblazoned on the wall. Amitabh walked into the studio from in-between the pillars, with his trademark ‘welcome message’ “Namashkaar, adaam, sat sri akal. Aap sab ko swagat hai, Kaun Banega Crorepati mein!”

As talks about the fourth edition of the country’s most popular game show (which gained immortality through ‘Slumdog Millionaire’) started, there were enough apprehensions. The KBC journey was all downhill – the show progressively plummeted in popularity, season over season. While KBC 1 was shot Star TV to the number 1 slot, Season 2 failed to reach the same level of success, although TRPs hovered around an impressive 9-11. But it had its premature death, with Amitabh falling sick before long. Shah Rukh tried to repeat the AB magic with KBC3, but in vain. Even though the Khan received filmfare awards for the best TV show host and the show was declared the best game show, TRPs did hit rock bottom.

Having burnt its fingers with KBC3, Star TV laid hands off the new edition of India’s most popular game show. Sony Entertainment Television grabbed the opportunity with open arms. Amitabh was back in the reckoning, and the process of ‘return’ started. The core-team had not changed – Sidhartha Basu was still in charge of the groundwork – namely, the questions. There were apprehensions though. With a melange of game shows on TV, would the viewer opt for good-old KBC? The auditions started.

Over 50 lakh people stood in endless queues, and filled endless forms – for that one-on-one with the star of the millenium.

KBC had arrived, once more.

Ten among those 5 million applicants made it to the final round. From a mass communication student to a chef – these ten people hailed from ten different parts of the country, from ten different backgrounds. One of the contestants was a participant in KBC Junior. When informed of the fact, Amitabh jokingly-remarked: “Thank you for making me realize how old I am,” graceful words from a gracious actor!

The contestants had settled down – it was time for the ‘Hot Seat’ question.

“Arrange the following words of this Hindi proverb, in order,” the booming voice instructed.

3.53 seconds later – Rajesh Chauhan, from Jheemar UP, clad in a green shirt and a wide grin, walked onto the hot seat – The lucky first participant of KBC4. “Chale hum, aur aap khelte hai Kaun Banega Crorepati,” Amitabh’s voice echoed with a magical boom. Chauhan, who runs a general store, said that he has been preparing to attend the show for over a decade.

Slight changes were made to the KBC format, to keep with the times. Like the previous editions of KBC, this one also has 12 questions, with prize money starting from 1,000, going on to 1 Crore.  Amitabh announced a surprise package later on – there was a 13th ‘jackpot’ question too, which would give the winner a whopping 5 Crore. The first two questions had a time limit of 30 seconds (The ‘Khadiya-babu’, takes a side-seat with ‘Computer-ji) – the question stands cancelled if participants fail to answer it on time. The remaining questions will have a time limit of 45 seconds, until the 7th question – after which, ‘Khadiya-babu’ remains suspended. The prize money-increments remain the same, however.

The ‘lifelines’ have been slightly tweaked – There are a total of four lifelines, this time. The first three – ‘Audience Poll’, ‘Phone a friend’ and ‘Ask an Expert’ – will be available throughout the game. ‘Ask  an expert’ is a new ‘lifeline’ – where experts on a domain will be assisting contestants, with their questions. The fourth-lifeline is a modification of 50/50 – the ‘Double Dip’. It will only be available to contestants after the seventh question (after winning the 3,20,000 price). In double dip – a contestant can answer twice. That is, he could answer wrong once, and get away with it, only to try a second time. Quite interesting.

Charu Sharma was the ‘expert’ for Episode 1. Through videoconferencing (apparently – it could even been an earlier recording), he wished Amitabh a happy birthday (the show was telecast on Amit-ji’s birthday) and Chauhan good luck. Chauhan had a surprise in store – his favourite actor, Sanjay Dutt was with Charu, on the screen. Chauhan was enamored with surprise. So much for being the first contestant in the country’s most popular game show!

Soon, the game began.

Chauhan, a wide-eyed village dweller appeared calm and confident. His preparation showed, and his answers were quick and spot-on. From easily identifying the “orange city of india” (Nagpur), to presciently realizing the chess piece occupying the maximum position (pawn), Rajesh Chauhan enjoyed a dream run. He was not sure about India’s first spaceship to moon – and needed a lifeline to opt for ‘Chandrayaan 1′.  Charu Sharma helped him out with the seventh question, telling him that NREGA was named after none other than the father of our nation – Mahatma Gandhi.

Rajesh Chauhan made Rs 3,20,000.

Amitabh had twelve cheque leaves ready for each contestant – signing cheques as rounds passed. Chauhan had bagged his 3,20,000 cheque. That was when Amitabh broke the 5 crore ‘jackpot’ prize that was kept under the hood until then. The crowd was euphoric, and Chauhan was tensed – now he had to get home with the 5 crore.

Bachchan shot his eighth question – Rajesh had to identify what these four were: Gyaneshwari, Lichchavi, Gorakhdham and Sarayu. After a lot of thought, Chauhan correctly identified Lichchavi and Sarayu as rivers and went for the same option. Bachchan quizzed him repeatedly: “Is this your final answer?” Chauhan nodded.

He was wrong.

The four are express trains plying through the country – and the four suffered accidents over the past year.

Chauhan’s face wilted in disappointment. Probably realizing that every emotion of his was being captured by ten-odd cameras, he doubled up and smiled – smilingly accepting his 3,20,000 cheque (30% of which, he’d be losing to the Income Tax department).

The show was not over for Chauhan. Before he could bat an eyelid, lo and behold, Sanjay Dutt walks into the studio! Rajesh was overcome with happiness – and Sanjay gave a warm ‘jaadu ki chappi’ to the general store-propreiter. Together, Sanjay and Rajesh sung ‘Happy Birthday’ to Amitabh, and both of them left the studio.

It was time for the next ‘Fastest Finger first’ – and the nine remaining contestants peered onto the television screens. This time, the contestants had to arrange members of the ‘Kapoor’ family in decreasing age. Only 3 got it right, and Alok Kumar, from Orissa did it in a little over 5 seconds. This dude, a self proclaimed quizzer, was severely hit by the ‘heat’ of the hot seat. Tensed to the core, Alok was un-nerved, and used up both his lifelines in the first three questions. Before Amitabh could ask the fourth question, the famed ‘KBC alarm’ rang – and the show was over, one and a half hours later.

KBC-1 was all about seeing the charm and charisma of the Big B in the small screen. Season over season, the charm wilted out. The Shah Rukh effect, maybe – it was a pleasure to watch Bollywood’s biggest superstar on the small screen, once again. The wait to see Bachchan-saab on television was indeed reminiscent of the same feeling I all went through, ten years back. Big B is bigger, KBC has changed (a new logo, a new format and a new channel) – but the charm and the appeal remains the same. KBC4 has nothing new to offer, it’s the same old wine – which now tastes better, having aged by ten years. KBC4 is not just a trip back to memory lane; it maybe reworked trivia quiz – at times a tad too trivial, but it’s a show that affects you. It’s one show, that you’ll be able to recall – scene-by-scene, question-by-question.

Do watch Kaun Banega Crorepati 4 on Sony Entertainment Television, every Monday – Thursday, at 9 PM.

Especially, those of you who missed out on the earlier avatars – you’re gonna love it, trust me.

Image Courtesy: setindia.com, Wikimedia Commons.

Related posts:

1. KBC4: Amitabh Bachchan’s Birthday Gift
2. Kites: A Review
3. Dabangg: A Review

I took a short break sometime back, promising that there wouldn’t be any more breaks.

Well, promises are made to be broken.

Breaking promises isn’t new to me. I’ve broken quite a lot of them. On an average, I’ve broken at least half of all promises I’ve made. And that’s not something I’m proud of – even though I might make it seem this way.

Now, that’s another topic of discussion altogether.

Ah yes, the ‘break’. As you might’ve guessed or inferred, I broke the promise again.

I put an abrupt end to blogging.

But when you stop, or when you leave, there ought to be a return. Every coin has its flip side, every action has its opposite. Likewise, every ‘break’ has its return – and here I am.

I’ve broken another promise, but I’ve returned – for good (hopefully).

If I’d made the statement that I’d blog regularly for good one month back (err… I actually did that, didn’t I?) – I would’ve said it with conviction. I’ve always had this haughty voice in my head, an optimistic haughty voice, which commands my actions. And that voice chanted those words to me – I merely reproduced them. I was so sure of myself. I knew I was unstoppable. I knew ideas would come flowing.

I was arrogant.

Well, ideas didn’t exactly come flowing. Alright, that would be tall – there were ideas. All I had to do was to just sit and type. But I procrastinated the job. I procrastinated it for one month, 15 days and six hours. As for every instance of my procrastination, I had reasons to justify myself. I always had reasons – some true, some fake. In this case, the reasons were genuine. The new job (as some of you may know, I work for a web portal these days – more on that coming later), didn’t give me a lot of time for myself. Not that I was too busy or anything. But I used the excuse to procrastinate, on and on. I either killed post ideas or either shelved them. Blog posts continued to exist(?) as carcasses in my mind’s cold storage.

Now, as I return to my eternal love – my blog, I can’t bring them all back to life. I’m no witch-doctor. All I can do is to try.

‘Try’. It’s a funny word. A ‘corporate trainer’ I interviewed the other day was telling me that ‘trying’ is the most futile thing ever. You either do, or you don’t. You do not try, he said.

Still, all I can do is ‘try’. I can coax my mind to think, I can pump words into my fingers, I can pour thoughts from my mind into the greyish-calm of this WordPress Editor. I’m trying. I shall continue to try – as long as my heart pumps blood to my mind…

It’s official, folks. I chose the red pill, is back in the reckoning.

The New Job

I didn’t exactly want to beat the drums about the new job – but yeah, on second thoughts…

You all know my predilection for being prolific. Sadly, the new job calls for conciseness.

I joined Yentha.com as a Reporter, on August 4th, 2010. For those who don’t know Yentha – it’s a one stop source for all information on the city of Trivandrum. News, views, articles, business listings, life… you name it, we have it. It’s been an eventful couple of months. I shall speak in detail about all that in the next post.

Wait for it.

Footnote:

I’m here to stay. Not to ‘break’.

Related posts:

1. Life in a… Hospital
2. “The Three Mistakes of my life”
3. The happiest day of my life!

It’s been 15 years, and like old wine, it’s getting better by the year. The fest, today has reached the pinnacle of popularity, competing against its own history for perfection.

Presenting LA Fest – the inter-school cultural festival by Loyola School, Trivandrum.

LA Fest was the brainchild of Loyolites of the 1996 batch. Young minds, tormented by a barrage of nerve-wrecking academic pressures badly craved for a break. They, along with their English teacher, charted out a plan and presented a proposal to the then Principal, who, after skepticism, gave the go ahead. Since then, there was no looking back. Each year, the fest would evolve to a totally new level. A festival whose total expenditure came down to less than Rs. 10,000 during its inception, LA Fest stands mighty tall with almost twenty times as much money pooled in, this time around. The USP of this festival is the fact that it’s manned entirely by students; everything from minor technicalities to major responsibilities of the stage. The students of 11th and 12th grade toil together for months to make this event stand out. There’ve been many clones of LA Fest, but none have come remotely-close to the original.

The events at LA Fest are unique. Each year, there’s a new event, along with five fixed events (which have evolved along the years too). The events being Harmony (Group Song), an audio visual quiz, LA Persona (The prestigious Personality competition), Dance o’ Mania (Group Dance) and Block n’ Tangles. This year has a unique event called Frenzy Frequency - which is about a team managing a Radio Show (complete with an RJ and his/her sidekicks) on stage. All events are pioneered by the students themselves. Special care and attention is taken to ensure the quality of  all the events – depicted by the sheer fact that the innovative events/ideas brought out by LA Fest are hugely adapted by the others.

Participation by alumni of the school is also a forte. For each LA Fest, senior Loyolites flock to the school by hoards to help the guide the kids with their events. LA Fest has been graced by the presence of celebrities too. Today’s superstar Prithviraj was a participant in two LA Fests – he remains to be the only person to have won the personality contest (LA Persona) twice. Cine-actor Abhirami, has won the Miss LA Fest title.

The fifteenth edition of LA Fest is taking place today (3rd of July, 2010) at Loyola School, today. Watch this space for updates.

Related posts:

1. iReturn!
2. 2008 – A Review
3. FAREWELL

Happiness is bliss, but the quest for it often isn’t. Broadly speaking, the very purpose of life is happiness – we live our lives to stay happy. All our deeds are directed toward happiness. However, dire situations in life block this emotion from within. Alright, life isn’t always a bed of roses, but drowning oneself in the wine of sorrows is pointless.

Such occasions demand instant happiness – quite like a painkiller. Here are ten effective tips to inject sorrows out of your system in a short span-of-time. I can’t ensure cent-percent success, but I’ve been a guinea pig myself and these have worked like charm:

Here goes:

1. Talk.

The simplest key to happiness; find a buddy and talk! Anything and everything – your blues, your pains; even a flimsy Tintumon joke would do. Once a healthy conversation (preferrably a long-one) is over and done with, you’d be back to your happier-self. This works even if you’re an introvert, in which case, you should get the other person to talk to you. Side-effect: hefty phone bills.

2. Do your thing.

What’s ‘your thing’? Everyone has his/her obsession that makes him/her happy – it varies from person to person. If you’re into books, dust open that elusive book from your shelf and glue yourself. If music is your mind and soul, listen listen to some soothing Floyd. Or worse, if you’re that bookworm who’s obsessed with studies, try formulating a theory of your own and verify it yourself! Your ‘bad mood’ might make you feel skeptical about your ability to pursue your passion when you’re down, but that’s just a negative thought. Give your passion a try, and you’d find yourself smiling again as you successfully go about doing it.

3. Put yourself into motion.

Wake up lazybones and give thy booty a quick shake. Don’t slump down in despair, instead, give your entire system a boost of motion. Add a tinge of motion to whatever you do – if you’re reading, try walking about. Add a momentary briskness to your gait. Pump faux-energy to your voice, take a walk outside; even climb up and down your staircase for good measure. Some energy’s goanna do you good!

CC Credits: samikrc

4. Be a good-samaritan for a change

Drug your evil twin and try doing something noble for a change. Pass along a gratifying message forward. Cheer up a buddy, donate some money for a needy person or feed a hungry child – do your bit to make the world a better place. Just a small gesture shall bring a smile to your face.

5. Talk about your good deed

There’s no harm in publicizing the good deed you just did. Beat the drums about it; reverse karma ensures that once the word is out of your mouth, happiness shall fill your tormented mind.

6. A walk to remember

Don your walking shoes and take a walk across the street;  especially so if it’s morning. Nothing adds more positivity to brain cells than a good walk in daylight, swear researchers. If your climate so allows, make sure to bask yourself in the bright morning light. Also, try walking the talk – find a walk-buddy and ‘walk-the-talk’. A happiness-high shall sure ensue.

7. Task out the task

Have a long-pending dentist appointment? Remember that library book whose fine has now run into hundreds? Take up minor daily chores that you’ve procrastinated over time. Assign priorities and complete them. Once each bugging chore is off the list, your mind shall heave a progressive sigh of relief, ushering in a rush of spirits.

8. Spread the love

Spread the warmth of your love as you meet your loved ones. Text that friend you haven’t heard from in a while. Give your girlfriend/boyfriend a pleasant surprise. When you share your love and care, your buddies shall reciprocate and you’d feel wanted yourself. Even an arbit ‘take care’ goes a long way, longer than you imagine.

9. Imbibe knowledge

Known is a drop and unknown is an ocean. A few gulps of the unknown ocean shall flush out needless negativity from your system. Find an area which you’ve been dying to know more of. Google/Wiki it and treat yourself to nuggets of information. Trust your intuition on this – these new nuggets of info should be upon something you actually have a penchant for. Enlightenment has its effects.

10. Fake happiness

A li’l plastic smile does help at times. Researches have proved that even artificially-induced smiles help boost moods. This, ideally, should be the last arrow in your quiver and is sure-shot success. Laughter therapy is a variant of fake happiness; so fake a smile until you feel real joy. What’s more you’d look your best with that pretty smile on your face, and you’d present yourself as approachable to people.

Happiness is infectious. Once you’re out of the blues, make it a point to spread your joy! Remember, love only multiplies itself as it spreads. And enjoy it while it lasts – do try to make it last longer.

Related posts:

1. Silence is Golden!
2. Frame of Mind
3. Life blog

When a pro-blogger like Sidin writes a book, he’s bound by the collective yoke of expectations. History proves that in most cases, such expectations about the ‘authorati’ tend to dissappoint readers to a great extent – Dan Brown’s latest being a case in the point.

But Sidin has bashed all his critics in style with Dork: The Adventures of Robin Einstein Varghese - his debut book, published by Penguin.

In a way, the book is an extension of Sidin’s blog. So is the story. So we have our unassuming hero Robin Varghese (with an interesting moniker of ‘Einstein’)who has a penchant for FRIENDS episodes and being unintentionally dumb; not to mention his proclivity for wild hangovers (some of which make you guffaw like the eponymous movie). So, Robin gets a ‘zero’th day’ placement at Dufresne Partners – a second rung consulting firm, as he passes out with 41st Rank from his prestigious ‘Ahmedabad BSchool’ (IIMA, obviously!). The story revolves around how his work-life at Mumbai spawns a series of blunders and misadventures, thanks to his ‘Einstein-ish’ abilities.

The plot unfolds in the form of a Compact-disc Word Document diary which Vadukut supposedly recovers from beneath a kitchen sink at his newly-rented flat! (Duh! whatay’ surprise! But Sidin almost makes you believe its true with perhaps, the world’s best ‘Introduction’) This diary-ish narrative, though tried and tested, is greatly invigorating. The high point of ‘Dork’ is Sidin’s insane humor. It’s earthy, and untiring. Each page offers you something to guffaw your lungs out – you actually have to exercise a wee bit of self-control when reading the book in public places (Yeah, I’m serious about this!!) There’s again a heady mix of mallu humour – Sidin’s forte. The book is fast moving and before you notice it, you’d have covered a hundred pages. The characterization (especially, of the protagonist) is also brilliant. Robin’s screwed up mind is brilliantly portrayed. Which brings us serious doubts of whether Robin is a pepped-down version of Sidin himself! He’s also strived his best to include references to modern times – ushering in a healthy mix of YouTube, Camera Phones, laptops, MS Excel and even a movie-obsessed protagonist!

But as the book’s title inexorably suggests, ‘Dork’ has a deeper, probing intent. Robin unveils a full-scale Tehelka style ‘sting’ of Office culture! Every unethical practice in the corporate world is portrayed. We have cut-throat competition among employees, prostrate toe-licking of bosses by employees, plagiarism, and what not! At the end of the book, if you’re involved with a consulting company in some way or the other, you’d end that contract the very moment! And your mind would hesitate if you’re going to take up that fat pay check consulting job! Now, this is what I call laughable activism!

Nonetheless, Dork does disappoint at some levels. The book is not for a non-management enthusiast – so if you aren’t too enamoured with office culture et al. you’d find Dork a long read, even with the humor. Not just that, the story has a very abrupt ending. Just when you thought Robin would have a stupendous ending, the plot comes to a nasty halt. Besides, there’s too much dissing of the corporate culture involved. At one point, the criticism reaches nauseating levels. Then again, there’s always a profusion of details – a veritable blitzkrieg actually, that flusters you.

Yet, Sidin’s style and humour continue to be the saving grace of this hugely endearing and satisfying book. Perhaps, on Part II (yes, there’s even more Robin on the cards!), Sidin should do a serious revamp.

A must-read, in any case.

My Rating: 9.6/10

Related posts:

1. Two States by Chetan Bhagat – A review
2. Zero Percentile: Missed IIT, Kissed Russia – Review
3. Dabangg: A Review

Grannies – sweet old ladies with their seemingly-odd mannerisms and unending love – all of us adore them! They mean a lot to us! Despite the entire hubbub about lack of respect/care given to the aged, grannies/grandpas enjoy a special status at most homes. Unlike what they show in the movies/TV shows et al, we don’t show the door to our grandparents, as far as I know. At least my parents and a lion’s share of adults shower a lot of respect and love to their parents! Actually, there’s this friend of mine who virtually refused to eat food for an entire week over the death of her beloved Grandfather – she (and her family) were so shell shocked at his sudden demise – such was the attachment  she shared with her grandpa.

No, in this post, I do not intend to talk about the cruelties meted out to senior citizens. I’m summarily against such acts, yes, and I’m all for showering love and care to the elderly at home (not at decrypt, money-minting ‘old age homes’!!). As the title suggests, I’m focusing on grannies in this post, or more specifically, a very special trait shared by all grannies, a very feminine trait apparently forced upon to them by God almighty, ostensibly embedded in all their genes as they popped out of their mothers’ wombs. Frankly speaking, this trait is not just restricted to the elderly, but it becomes prominent in old age, due to some inscrutable reason – perhaps due to some enhancement in mental capabilities or even sheer joblessness.

It’s a proven fact that Grannies virtually win hands-down, when it comes to GOSSIPPING!

As I said, even modern science is at a total loss to explain this phenomenon! Perhaps, some anthropologist should do a research paper on this topic. Check out any home at any part of the world, grannies would be a long step ahead of other female residents in the family when it comes to gossiping! They’d get all news hot-delivered and they’d be the first to break it to the other younger members of the family. There’s some inter-granny communication mechanism to facilitate it. Perhaps, grannies develop invisible antennae which use some intracellular data transmission algorithm (with speeds that kick the shits out of even TCP/IP), transferring data at speeds to the tune of many Gigabits per second. Had it not been for the reduced efficiency of the ‘data-transfer’ (yes, like in Chinese whispers – the listener ‘receives’ a message that lacks the slightest resemblance with the ‘transmitted data’), they could’ve used it for the next version of Internet!

I wasn’t aware of this Inter-granny Communication Protocol (IgCP – for all your geeks! ), until I heard my sister’s experience – which was indeed astounding, for want of a better word! Her experience  wasn’t exactly one in a million, a fact assured by multitudes of similar incidents narrated by other acquaintances. Needless to say, my sister bore the brunt of a very devastating IgCP transmission and it took me an hour of talk to console her. Whew.

The story goes like this. Lachu a.k.a Lakshmi (my first cousin) goes to visit her best friend Gayathri, a day before she leaves to Chennai for higher studies. Now, Gayathri (a.k.a. G3! Yes, crazy nicks! ) is Lachu’s best friend. That is, if you see one of them alone, chances are that, the other person would be somewhere in a hundred square metre radius, anytime. So close, they were. They lived close to each other too; a fact that forever bolstered their sixteen year old companionship!

Needless to say, most of G3’s relatives have camped at her place, taking turns to ‘bid her goodbye’ (read: ‘lament her absence to the point of no-return’!)  As Lachu hopped into G3’s room with her usual freewheeling charm, three grannies were competing to cuddle/kiss/pinch-her-cheek/caress-her-hair/advise her. Poor ol’ G3 was totally dazed with eyes rolling, as if in death row! Lachu’s arrival was too pleasant a surprise for her that she broke away with all her might and ran over to her buddy in capricious joy. That was when this salt-and-pepper haired granny curiously eyed Lachu, and beckoned to her with a smile. Servile and respectful that Lachu is, she goes to the granny and sits by her, at the place previously occupied by G3 and gives that charming sweet variant of her smile to the granny. This granny happens to be G3’s dad’s mother’s uncle’ aunt’s oldest daughter’s niece’s cousin, btw. Meanwhile, G3, exasperated, realizes what’s about to transpire and tries to warn her buddy, only in vain. The prey had fallen in the trap!

Granny: “Hey, you are Lakshmi right?”

Lachu (surprised): “Yes!”

Granny: “And you’re from the Earath house, near that Gopinathan Nair’s house?”

Lachu (dumbfound): “Yeah ammumma, you are right. I’m…”

Granny: “Your mom is Shobha no, and your dad is in the Gulf. How’s your sister doing?”

Lachu is now truly out of her mind, for this ammumma is from another part of the state and is visiting G3’s house for the first time! She has all the news in her fingertips! Whoa!

Granny: “Don’t you know Gopi?”

Lachu: ”Gopi?”

Granny: “Yeah, that’s right. Gayu mol’s (G3) cousin Gopi? The guy who’s doing his MBBS in Bangalore?”

Lachu: “Er… yeah, I do. I’ve seen him once or twice.”

Granny: “You guys talk a lot eh?”

Lachu: “Er… Not rea..”

Granny: “You guys did a party together when he touched down last year?”

Lachu (now totally aghast): “NNNOO…”

Granny: ”Oh, I guess you were great friends (<- special vocal emphasis) until a while back right?”

Granny 2 : “Hey, she’s blushing!”

Granny 3: “I think she’s sweating too! ”

The fourth granny concurred to the opinion of her compatriots, while the first was now clasping and caressing Lachu’s right palm, casting menacing glances. And to add fuel to the fire, Lachu’s mom entered the room at that very opportune moment. She too stood surprised at all the ‘allegations’.

It took some very spirited tactics from G3’s part to extricate my poor ol’ sis out of the situation! The fact of the matter was that, Lachu barely knew this Gopi guy. They’d met at some random marriage reception and they’d exchanged pleasantries as they sat and ate together – that was a year or so ago. Some granny had noted them sitting together and yes, and urban gossip legend (in IgCP, nonetheless) was born!  And my poor ol’ sis – she lost all her alluring charm for two days straight!

So, the next time you see a calm and placid granny, take a closer look, and ESCAPE! They’re ninjas in disguise!

Related posts:

1. Kowdiar Lights: The Quest

P.S.

Found this on XKCD. Too awesome not to blog about!

P.P.S.
If that pic didn’t intrigue you, this one will, period.

The universe does have few unanswered questions.

Related posts:

1. The Blogger’s block!
2. Ban on sales of MS Word – Another nail in Microsoft’s coffin
3. Blitzkreig

After a short hiatus, I’m back in style! B-)

Yup, as the title inexorably points out this post’s an audio post – a song!

Song: New York Nagaram

Singer: Me! (duh!)

Original Artist: A.R. Rahman (God Himself! )

Movie/Album: Silnu Oru Kadhal

A few last words:

New York Nagaram is one of my favourite tracks! The reason being it’s super-awesome video and the fantabulous b/g score. I’d sung it at Aagneya ’09 to a lukewarm response. I wouldn’t call this rendition good – it’s actually below average, but yeah, it’s 3 AM and I have a bad cold from a succession of icecreams yesterday noon. That didn’t deter me from singing my favourite song because, it’s a DEDICATION.

Yes, I dedicate it to a very special person.

Today’s the first anniversary of our friendship, and I’m going through a terrible feeling of loss – I’m missing her! Truly. deeply. Badly. Like Soorya in the movie, I actually thought of composing a song for this occasion, but yeah, it would be a tad too far-fetched. Wouldn’t it? Positive, considering my demanding final year engineering curriculum!

So dear, if you’re reading/listening to this, I miss you! >:D<

Related posts:

1. Kya Mujhe Pyaar Hai
2. A Song!
3. Tribute to M.G. Radhakrishnan