The past week was a rather hard one for me. Something bad happened. Not that I would be beating the drums about it, but it did cause a wound deep in my mind; A huge gash, that shall keep hurting for long.
The gash was necessary evil. I did my best to escape it, but it eventually had to smash me to smithereens. And here I am, pinned down, scarred for life! How I’d use the ‘scar’ is yet to be seen, I could definitely wear it on my sleeve and look good (a la Harry Potter, if you may), or shun myself from the world, retracting myself into an impermeable shell. The latter option is just as impractical as it sounds – it would jeopardize myself and everyone close to me. And the scar isn’t exactly something I’m too proud about. It’s eating me, bit-by-bit, minute by minute – the pain is so consummate, I can’t stand it any more; and I can’t afford to shout out in pain either, lest I reveal myself.
In retrospect, it all might be for good – I could learn to relish the pain, and be a masochist in the process, or I could fight back, and do my best to come clean, getting the wound to heal. Injury was inevitable, it would have happened, no matter what. And it’s a reality, there’s no escaping from it – it would (and it has) debilitated me for life. Remains to be seen how it shall turn my life around.
I’m just going to need a lot of luck and perseverance to get myself back in the groove, before the wound would have me amputate myself.
Excerpts from a chat conversation with a friend, circa December ’09.
Friend: dont get offended if i tell u somthing k me:
yeah?
No, I wont. temme! Friend: u saw wake up sid rit..i thot that whole character was like u..i mean not like the whole immature thing..
11:57 PM me: yeah.
lol
I knew it long back!! Friend: well the whole thing came up when i was talkin to my friends bot the movie and infy drive and stuuf me: when I heard about this movie,
this was what I was telling people:
“This is my story.”.
11:58 PM Friend: hehe.. i thot u r one person who shud get out of the whole BTech thing and do somthin creative
me: yeah.
Thus, my hypothesis was concurred by an intelligent friend – enough reason for me to see the movie. But, it had to wait. I had a lot of tasks to take care of.
Only until yesterday night.
Wake Up Sid is perhaps the most endearing movie I’ve seen in a while. Not because of the movie as such – alright, it’s a wonderful attempt, even though it failed miserably at the box office. I could draw a lot of parallels with Ranbir Kapoor’s character – the same childishness, the love for photography, “Living for the moment” – even the last minute ‘exam preps’ and the actual exam hall scene!
But no, I don’t have a super-rich “flowered bathroom fittings” dad who promises to buy his son a Porche if he joins office. Nor do I have an Apple Macbook pro, a Honda CRV, a Nikon D100, the PSP, and the iTouch to flaunt (but I soon will, if things go right! ). I’d die to have an Aisha (Konkona Sensharma’s character) taking me in, when I get kicked out of my place (that day ain’t far off, the getting-kicked-out day, that is )
Despite not having the goodies, the ‘Sid’ in me is perhaps more childish. A born procrastinator and perhaps the world’s most complacent person, I can be at ease with any environment and spend virtually all parts of the day whiling time away. Which is not a good trait, if you didn’t get me. The worst part is that these traits have proved deeply pernicious, and the ‘wake up’ is quite imminent right now.
That’s when the question arises, should I wake up?
The movie set me contemplating. If I ‘wake up’, I’d have to change myself. No, unlike Sid, I don’t have an endearing friend to ‘take me up’, mould me, and get me a job once my ‘life support system’ gets cut. But, changing myself wouldn’t be without dire consequences. As all management/inspiration gurus very popularly plagiarize, change ‘for the better’ is good. I don’t take that, though. When I ‘change’, I’d have to lose myself to an extent – which, at the outset, might seem good. But in the long run, I believe, would be harmful.
Besides, having looked back upon the 21 years of my life I’ve lived, I’ve realized that this is ME. There’s no way of changing. No ‘wake up’ would suffice. Perhaps, I should go with the flow and enjoy what life has in store for me. But yes, some of the ‘bad habits’ have to be pruned, for “success”.
temme!
)
