Life hasn’t exactly been a bed of roses for me. Especially over the past month. The going just got tough all of the sudden. Before I knew it, crisis loomed large and engulfed me in a veritable storm of sorts — a storm that’s quite likely to stay on for a long long time.

This isn’t the first time things have gone bad for me. I’ve lived through worse situations. Can’t say that I came out unscathed all the time. Each bad phase has left an indelible scar. Some scars still hurt, pain bringing back memories from the past. Each bout of pain has one startling similarity with its predecessor — the element of surprise. But that’s the beauty of life, it hits you on your belly right when you’re gaily indulging yourself.

One thing I’ve realized while swimming through a vast ocean of problems is the potency of optimism.

Optimism is a powerful sword that can cut through life’s many adversities with ease. It’s a rejuvenating principle that charges you up, and equips you for the worst while expecting the best. Optimism is all about seeing opportunities in every problem. Yes, every crisis is an opportunity in disguise. Even the most seemingly-dismal of adversities could turn favourable in the long run. But how often do we realize this? We fret more about our problems, doing little to solve them. We beat about the bush in careless mourning, wasting valuable time instead of taking control of the situation to make our ends meet.

Being positive when the going gets tough helps us focus more on our problems. Just believing that greener pastures aren’t far away is all you need to do. Trust me, happier days aren’t far away. All your problems are temporary, it’s only a matter of time until they ward themselves off. Days, weeks, months or years later, you’ll look back at your problems and smile at how silly they were. Nobody can make a lock without a key; likewise, every problem has its solution. To smith the key to your lock, you’ll have to mould it with patience. And patience has a direct relation with a positive attitude.

As someone rightly said, the happiness of your mind depends on the quality of your thought. Negative thoughts pull you down, deep down into the ditches. Positive thoughts lift you up, high up, onto the pedestal of happiness and inner peace.

So, be positive.

Like me.

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1. I lost my posts! So, I rant! :-D

Friends.

They’re the best things all of us have ever had. We talk about/to/with them 24×7. We have oodles of fun, we enjoy each and every moment spent in their company. We do fight, but eventually we make up. They’re there for us through thick and thin. They’re with us, holding our arms, lifting us up from the deepest of pits, dancing with us when we’re on the groove. Throughout life, we meet a few people whom, at some point in time, we’d feel are our soulmates. Things would be so perfect – we’d even think alike, we’d pre empt each other and we would enjoy the other person’s presence and company!

.

That’s ideal friendship for you.

They keyword here is “ideal”, ’cause, such things happen only in fairytales.

At the outset, you might relate to a lot of the ‘ideal friendship’ snippets I’ve written here, but come to think of it; how do you even know whether your friend is sincere enough? As long as you can’t conclusively “read minds” it’s hard to even make out whether your ‘friend’ is being true/honest/loyal to you. Which again brings the question, who’s your ideal friend?  The person whom you’ve loads of fun with? The person with whom you converse for hours on end? The person whom you miss when he/she’s out of station?

Duh!!

It’s high time you realize, that most of these people, for whom you’d rather die for, are actually MAKING USE OF YOU! It’s essentially a give-or-take exercise. A ‘human barter system’ of sorts. Friendship is an excuse for exchanging favours – and the scales tip towards the person who gets more than he gives. He’s in the advantageous side of the friendship while his counterpart, stands only to lose out in the long run. I’m talking about this from personal experience. I’m a person, who’d die for friends – if someone close to me asks for a favour, I’d put all my tasks on hold, skip priorities and burn the midnight oil just to make sure that the other person gets his much-needed photostat or gets his/her PC repaired. I’ve this huge ‘pride’ which prevents me from asking for favours when I’m in a quandary – yet, I’ve had problems during which, I’d ask for favours. Only to be let down and demoralized. In the end, I stand alone  - I’m all unto myself, all agog.

It’s worse for people, who attempt at bringing forth relationships, going the ‘friendship’ way. Yeah, the classic ‘hitting-on’ algorithm:

Meet girl/guy –> Talk to her –> Talk more –> Talk EVEN more –> Become ‘friends’ –> Good friends –> Best friends –> “Wiping tears off” BEST friends –> Bestest Friends –> Propose –> post-reject-best-friends —> Propose again —> In a relationship!!

Look at it in a different angle, and you’ll realize that this ruins the sanctity of what was once a sacred relationship. Such has become the case that the most platonic relationships between people of the opposite sexes get distorted with the love angle due to peer pressure. As in, when other ‘couples’ get born out of friendship, you’d get the urge to ask your best female friend out. People pass snide comments when you meet your friend at a public place. You’re accused of ‘going out’! I’m not saying that hitching a girl/guy the ‘friendship’ way is bad, perhaps it’s still the best way to get your girl. Yet, thanks to a gargantuan populace adopting this technique, things have been blown out of proportion. And if/when things get bad, your ‘friend’ suddenly calls it quits, cause he/she feels that you’re hitting on – which is mostly the case. (Personal experience, again!! )

Now, don’t get me wrong.  This ain’t a cynical rant by a random maverick a$$hole who’s socially incompatible.

My intention was not to diss the institution of friendship and paint it in a bad light so as to dump it altogether. Friendship still exists, albeit screwed. It’s still the best form of human relationship ever, if you ask me. It might not be as perfect as what it was, but that’s the case with everything these days. It’s bloody Kalyug, dammit! And despite everything, most of us cling on to our friends, like babies snuggling up to their mothers. We forgive and forget. We trust, even when we’re being cheated upon. We ignore all we’ve been through, thanks to the God-given merit of forgetfulness. And to top it all, we do have those wonderous moments of fun, which aren’t exactly few and far in between. Many (if not most) of our buddies do stand by us in times of need and lift us up from the pits of shit to sunshine and rain, only to grow up once again!  (imagery courtesy: ‘Shawshank redemption’ and ‘Three Idiots’:P ) Misunderstandings would happen, many ‘friends’ would fail to accede to your expectations; don’t let it hurt your ego and start throwing tantrums. Accepting them as they are, silently ‘move on’; don’t exactly ‘dump them’ or treat them the way they treated you. Just put the past behind you. That’s all!

And, ‘ideal’ friends do exist. But the problem is, we fail to notice them. It takes a keen eye and a sound mind to get that done, though. Most of us stick with people who give us a nice time, but they wouldn’t be the ones who’d be the right buddies, realistically speaking. I’d strongly recommend you to do a reality check – analyze each and every single buddy of yours. Who’s ‘been there’? Who’s pointed you to the right path? Find that person(s), and be closer to them. It would also make them happier, hence setting forth a relationship that would indeed last a lifetime.

Take it from someone who’s blessed with some of the best buddies ever (one of whom, inspired me to write this post).

P.S.

The title off the post might seem odd, but check this video out, and you’d (laughingly) get the connection. Knowledge of Malayalam is highly recommended to enjoy the vid, btw.

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Excerpts from a chat conversation with a friend, circa December ’09.

Friend: dont get offended if i tell u somthing k
me:
yeah?
No, I wont. temme!
Friend: u saw wake up sid rit..i thot that whole character was like u..i mean not like the whole immature thing..
11:57 PM
me: yeah.


lol
I knew it long back!!
Friend: well the whole thing came up when i was talkin to my friends bot the movie and infy drive and stuuf
me: when I heard about this movie,
this was what I was telling people:
“This is my story.”.

11:58 PM
Friend: hehe.. i thot u r one person who shud get out of the whole BTech thing and do somthin creative
me: yeah.

Thus, my hypothesis was concurred by an intelligent friend – enough reason for me to see the movie. But, it had to wait. I had a lot of tasks to take care of.

Only until yesterday night.

Wake Up Sid is perhaps the most endearing movie I’ve seen in a while. Not because of the movie as such – alright, it’s a wonderful attempt, even though it failed miserably at the box office. I could draw a lot of parallels with Ranbir Kapoor’s character – the same childishness, the love for photography, “Living for the moment” – even the last minute ‘exam preps’ and the actual exam hall scene!

But no, I don’t have a super-rich “flowered bathroom fittings” dad who promises to buy his son a Porche if he joins office. Nor do I have an Apple Macbook pro, a Honda CRV, a Nikon D100, the PSP, and the iTouch to flaunt (but I soon will, if things go right! ). I’d die to have an Aisha (Konkona Sensharma’s character) taking me in, when I get kicked out of my place (that day ain’t far off, the getting-kicked-out day, that is )

Despite not having the goodies, the ‘Sid’ in me is perhaps more childish.  A born procrastinator and perhaps the world’s most complacent person, I can be at ease with any environment and spend virtually all parts of the day whiling time away. Which is not a good trait, if you didn’t get me. The worst part is that these traits have proved deeply pernicious, and the ‘wake up’ is quite imminent right now.

That’s when the question arises, should I wake up?

The movie set me contemplating. If I ‘wake up’, I’d have to change myself. No, unlike Sid, I don’t have an endearing friend to ‘take me up’, mould me, and get me a job once my ‘life support system’ gets cut. But, changing myself wouldn’t be without dire consequences. As all management/inspiration gurus very popularly plagiarize, change ‘for the better’ is good. I don’t take that, though. When I ‘change’, I’d have to lose myself to an extent – which, at the outset, might seem good. But in the long run, I believe, would be harmful.

Besides, having looked back upon the 21 years of my life I’ve lived, I’ve realized that this is ME. There’s no way of changing. No ‘wake up’ would suffice. Perhaps, I should go with the flow and enjoy what life has in store for me. But yes, some of the ‘bad habits’ have to be pruned, for “success”.

So,

WAKE UP HARI!!!

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Those magic eyes in perennial sparkling-glory,
And the vivacious smile that kills each worry,
Have abruptly muted their radiating presence;
Your face now betrays painful silence.

Perhaps fate played its game unfair,
Or you were overwhelmed with scare,
A blitzkrieg of failure broke apart,
All your hopes and crushed your heart!

Before you resign to tormenting depression,
Open your mind to the vehement realization,
That you’re now at the stepping stone of success!
So, learn from your losses and smash all duress!

Pluder that monster of pessimism,
Let hope fill your mind’s wide chism!
For, ghosts of defeat will forever haunt,
But your discerning grin will render them gaunt.

Find inspiration in every facet of life,
Bolster positivity to scrape all strife,
Your mind’s stronger than you imagine,
Equip it like a turbojet engine.

It’s high time you woke up to joy,
From life’s nightmares that made you a toy,
I’m sure you’d have the skies in thrall,
Simply ’cause you’re the best of ‘em all!

P.S.

Written for an enormously-talented close friend who’s going through depression, thanks to life’s myriad games.

Buddy, if you’re reading this – CHEER UP! I’m SO SURE about your success. These temporary setbacks happen for a reason. Just realize why, and come back in action! We miss you!

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Sleepless nights are back again.

No, I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea – I haven’t caught the love bug again! But, fact is, that I wasn’t able to sleep for more than three hours a stretch, for the past week. I still can’t comprehend why/how it happened; perhaps some inscrutable chemical process in my brain was the culprit, apart from burgeoning acad-pressures. Somehow, the Gods of slumber  have started playing a rather queer game with me – my sleep would be inadequate during weekdays. But, weekends (or more precisely, Saturday nights) would see me snoring off, smashing all sleep records in the process. This Saturday Night was a personal record – 11.30 hours, straight!

Coming back to the point, as I’d stay awake all night – I wouldn’t be doing anything of much value. It’d be just me, my PC, and  the new Samsung Star (not to mention other random bedroom-stuff) – forlorn in the cramped recesses of my bedroom. As I lay aimlessly on my cozy bed, headphones intact, with the room glistening to the myriad colours from the Fight Club screensaver – my mind would travel at blazing speed, playing back memories of my life in 1080p glory.

No points for guessing this, but a lion’s share of such memories would be about those mushy times I shared with my lady loves – imaginary (mostly) and otherwise (just once).

Before you swear at me for writing about love for the umpeenth time, lend me an ear. (Or both, if you aren’t deaf in the other ear! )

I’m a hardcore romantic. No matter how much I’ve sacrificed for this guttural feeling (you’ve no idea how much!), no matter how much I advise counsel my buddies (and myself) about the virtues of staying single, love comes on top of my list, any day, any time. I could attribute such skewed priorities partly due to the stark fact that love INSPIRES me. Hell yeah! Each bit of success, and each minute achievement I have had in life, I owe it all to that divine feeling! True, I might have sacrificed more than what I gained, but still, the gains are closer to my heart than the losses. Besides, this is no game of poker to win or lose! No, I do not believe in the school of thought that life’s a game – if you want to argue, so be it!

Of all the crushes I’ve had, of all those ‘intimate moments’ I’ve shared, my first love remains closest to the heart!

It was wonderful -  it seemed, we were made for each other. We could just look into each others’ eyes and understand what the other person meant – reading thoughts was a daily affair. And she was amazingly-pretty,  so was her voice. I still tune into a particular radio station to listen to the voice of the RJ – whose voice is surprisingly similar to hers!  Every single day, we’d talk to each other for hours – even if we had nothing to say, we’d still keep talking  We haven’t had many intimate moments together, but the few were the best moments I’ve had in life. At one point in time, I was so sure I could marry her – I weaved dreams. We had children, grandchildren, and the family tree progressed – in my dreams.

But then, the wall came tumbling down. It was very sudden, and shocking! There was no going back, and it was no mistake of ours. The world around us changed so rapidly, that we failed to notice.

And then, I lost her.

Depression ensued. With huge effort, eventually I fought back my incessant tears – I had buddies who lent me shoulders to cry on. After a long long while, I learned to move on.

It’s exactly been two years now. Two years is a long long time – and I’m still single. Not that I despised female company after the incident. Quite ironically, my female-friend circle multiplied and today, my closest friends are all females. Yes, I’ve moved on. But still, the quaint memories of  first love still linger in the portals of my mind. No, I don’t miss her, not one bit. I still believe that everything happened for good, and I found out ample reasons to drive the fact into my mind. It’s just those fond memories – they stay on, like a pleasant daydream one can remember and smile back at. The relationship did mould me in ways more than one; and despite everything, it was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had!

The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can ever end.

- Benjamin Disraeli

P.S.

This video should explain my feelings  – It’s one of my favourite songs:

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October 2009 was an eventful month. I say eventful, because of a plethora of reasons.

Officially, 2009 is THE worst year I’ve had in my life. Despite the optimism I had in the beginning of this year, things went topsy turvy. It wasn’t fate – it was all because of my actions, or rather, the lack of it. I watched my life turn and toss into a deep pit of shit. I found myself ensconced in the worst problems in my life – some issues I never thought I’d have to face in life. One by one, I started losing parts of myself. How would you feel when you get screwed by life, virtually every other day? That was my condition. And there was nothing I could do to bring myself out of the shit-pit I’d fallen head over heels into. I could’ve averted the catastrophe, I could have saved myself, but it was way too late. “Ignorance was bliss” – the same philosophy that made Cypher to betray Zion in ‘The Matrix’ – I’d embraced that. I’d become an expert in masking myself. The world knew me as the happy-go-lucky-kid, but every moment I smiled, I’d be suppressing deep pain from within. It was excruciating. And I’d crossed breaking point.

October ’09 was my saving grace. For a change, things just began to fall in place. Temporarily, at least.  I could now stand on my own feet. For all the pain and humiliation I’ve been through, I got my moments of retribution. I enjoyed my first publishing success – I’m now a regular freelancer with The Hindu. And the biggest of them all, God showered me with the bonhomie of refreshing, new friendship – and I’m thankful for all my best buddies who’ve infused new life and spirit into me. Again, there was my 21st birthday to make things brighter. I wouldn’t go to the extent of terming my birthday the best ever, but it was good and special, thanks to buddies.

Now that goodie-goodie October is done with and a disastrous November just got over, I can only hope for December to be better. But the sweet memories of October will remain, forever ensconsed in the portals of my mind.

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It’s been my dream to write an article in an national newspaper. And it has materialized now.

The first time I saw the video by The Latest Pirates, my first thought was – “Damn, these guys are SO good! They need to be published!!”. I sought their permission, made the article, collected the photos, did the necessary work, and thankfully, it’s in today’s metro plus (October 8th, 2009 – Trivandrum Edition).

Click here to read the article.

I’ll be uploading a scanned version of the article here. Until then, enjoy the screenshot.

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Song: Lafzon Mein Keh Naa Sakoon

Original Artist: Abhijeet Sawant

Album: Aap Ka Abhijeet Sawant (2005)

Download

Dedication:

This song is dedicated to someone special – someone very special and close! My love for her can’t be expressed in words, neither can I exist without it being mentioned. What better way could it be put across, other than, through a song?

If you’re listening to this dear, I just wanted you to know that you’re THE best! Love ye! >:D<

P.S.

This is the first song I’d sung at college. I still vividly remember singing it for the fresher’s day in 2007! So, I’ve a special attachment to this track. Kudos to Abhijeet (who is incidentally the first winner of Indian Idol, in 2005)  for this super-awesome song! \m/

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For most parts, 2009 was a year of disappointments and failures. I went through a LOT – found myself in umpteen issues and weathered the worst crises of my life! Had it not been for the occasional silver lining, I’d have lost control altogether.

Yet, I’d call 2009 – the year I turn 21, the MOST memorable year in my life, thanks to this Onam, which was simply THE best!

For those of you non-mallus, Onam is the traditional harvest festival of agrarian Kerala, which celebrates the season of bounty with a melange of interesting customs. All Malayalees, transcending feckles of caste, creed, religion and gender, celebrate the grand harvest festival with pomp and grandeur. So goes the old Malayalam proverb: “കാണം വിറ്റും ഓണം ഉണ്ണണം” (Thou shalt sell thy belongings and eat to thy content, for Onam!).

Following tradition, my nuclear family (Dad, Mom and I) left to mom’s native place – Kottarakkara, Kollam, to celebrate this Onam. The native place trip has its roots to my being the only kid in the family. Perhaps, trips to native place were made to kill my loneliness – I could play with my cousins and have a great time. I remember my workaholic dad taking up to three days of leave for onam and packing us all off to Kollam regulary for each Onam and Christmas! What began as a loneliness-killing routine stayed on as a bonding exercise and today, we’re closer than ever to our grandparents!! >:D<

Armed with a (borrowed) Sony Cybershot S950, I clicked pics away. The camera sucks bigtime (it’s at the bottom of the food product chain), yet somehow the pics came in nice.

Let ‘em do the talking!

My native place – we arrived on the first onam day. ‘Twas a warm welcome, as always!

Too many cars spoiled the broth! We (kiddo cousins & I) couldn’t play any outdoor games!

Thiruvonam: The rain was a VERY unpleasent surprise. It rained cats and dogs. We thought all our onam plans were spoiled!!

Yet, we stood firm! The four of us braved the pouring rains, collecting flowers, leaves and all foliage we could lay our hands upon and made this (rudiementary) pookkalam! \m/ It ain’t the best, but…

Onam + Bhakti = Nirvana. Wasting no time after the pookkalam, my cousin devi readied the pooja room and we were in bhakti mode! I had my conversations with Lord Krishna!

Ah, the hugely awaited pic. That’s me, donning Mundu. However, the folds of my dhothi aren’t perfectly adorned this time. Technical problems relating to elasticity of the fabric, et al. Still I managed to keep it unscathed all day, sans external contraptions for the same!

My Partners in crime – dearest cousins! We had all the fun we could have in a span of three days. Was the best! \m/

An amazing Ona Sadya – courtesy my grandparents who’re among the BEST cooks I’ve seen! But yeah, on the third-onam day, the sadya was polluted with meat and I was forced at gunpoint to gobble up chicken. I refused though!

On the third onam day, we went on a trip to the nearby ‘river’. I guess the pictures are good enough to explain the fun we had!

That evening, the three of decided it was time to groove and danced away to glory! I was the DJ! I too shook my leg for a while!

Day 4 – The 4th Onam saw the three of us climb the nearby hillock. It was a very pleasant trekking experience, and the three of us accompanied by the local kiddo Rahul made the most of it!

That evening, I stole the keys of my uncle’s brand new alto, and decided to prowl away on an exciting journey over the long winded village roads! Sadly, the plan backfired and I was caught red handed. Nevertheless, the trip happened, even though my driving previleges were limited and I was allowed to sit behind the wheel only for a quarter of the journey! Yet, it was an awesome experience. Precarious trips through those ‘roads’ made me feel like Mohanlal’s ‘wanderer’ in Bhramaram!

No, it wasn’t me!! This sight greeted Vaisakh and me as we surreptitously walked over to the terrace of the house! Apparently my ex-military uncle had made a few trips to the canteen and obtained his rationed monthly ‘quota’. We’d noticed uncles and dad climb upward all three days, but we weren’t sure what they were upto. They, presumably, had a very nice and sober time! My uncle forgot his Nokia 1100 at the crime scene – as you can see, even the phone got ‘drunk’! What a fitting culmination to an Onam!

Check out all the pics in my flickr album – or watch this slideshow!

P.S.

Neither dad, nor my uncles know about this pic! Yea, so if you know my dad, dare you NOT mention this to him, okay? I remember him debating incisively over the alcohol consumption during Onam, and the way he pokes fun at queues in front of BevCo sales counters! Take that, dad!

P.P.S.

I forgot this part, and I know it’s a tad too late. Still, here’s wishing a belated Happy Onam to all of you. Rock on!

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Apparently, two of my latest blog posts got deleted for no valid reason that I can comprehend. Those posts were intact, when I’d logged in early in the morning, to switch off downloads. When I visited the blog at around 11:30 AM today, just before I left for college,  I was dumbfound – two of my latest  posts,  the latest – ‘ഞാന്‍ ആരാ’ one  and the previous ‘iM dA NeRD’ had vanished into thin air. I did everything possible, downloaded my Blog’s database and queried it like a madman using all SQL commands I knew – to no avail. Lost an hour of valid last-minute-prep time to the lost posts. Not a good decision from a future-’manager’, but yeah, the blog comes first anyday! \m/

CC Credits: vramak

After I got back home after today’s exam, I did a bit of research myself. I knew for a fact that WordPress doesn’t delete posts on its own. Then how could the posts  go? Quite likely to be a server-side issue. I must send a support-ticked to my friendly-neighbourhood WebHost (which has been working awesome for me, apart from a few minor glitches like this ).

The incident caught me unawares and bang, I’m in one of those ‘desperate’ moods today. I’ve tonnes to mug, and I’m looking up a few slides at the moment – but this mood-swing (complicated by delicate ‘matters of the heart) has terribly killed my interest to learn.

Now, that has left me thinking. How would a seemingly simple, mundane external event leave me depressed? More than ‘how’, the question could be rephrased into ‘why’. Can’t I ignore the whole damn thing and be happy again? Is happiness an easy choice to make? Theoretically, yes. But at times, it’s way more than a choice. Happiness is a state of mind which has a lot to do with external stimuli, I sadly realized. And stimuli weren’t exactly in my favour. So I had to do something intellectually stimulating so as to rejuvenate my mind. No, I can’t do a song again – two songs a month is way above my quota and, not all the reviews are positive! I can’t post on a dedicated topic for want of time and patience.

So, ta dah, here I am doing another arbit-post. \m/

If you ask me, arbit posts are a lot more fun than a carefully thought-about post. The thought process itself requires significant time and mental effort, not to mention finger-crunching at 75 WPM – but arbit posts are exercises in mental-outpour. I just open my mind to my fingers – which do the typing. So, rest assured, this is a straight from the heart post! Besides, the satisfaction of seeing the vagaries of your mind printed out in nice typeface, in grammatical perfection (not always! ) is satiating to a great extent.

As regards to ‘matters of the heart’, well, I’m in a dilemma. I have to take a decision, an immediate decision on a very delicate issue, a relationship. Yes sir, being a ‘young adult’, I’ve all rights to engage myself in feminine company – which I’ve actually not had for a while now, sadly.   Somehow, the stars don’t seem to be right for me, it seems. I deliberately suppressed my feelings for the fairer sex, after a very embarrassing debacle, and lived as if they didn’t exist – I refused outright to get closer to girls, but I did keep existing female friends and sisters. Maybe its high time I found a person who completes me, I guess. Hopefully, I’ll get the girl of my dreams, soon enough. (Girl, if you’re reading this… lol, you know what to do! )

He gives his harness bells a shake,
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep,
Of easy wind and downy flake.

Ah, time out. Nightout Phase 1 begins!

See, I told you, blogging is the best way to recharge your mind. Wish me luck for tomorrow’s exams. Until then I’ve miles to go, before I sleep! Adios!

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